Another church bites the dust.

Our church has closed its doors as of Sunday. Well, we didn't have any doors of our own, which was okay with me, but that was the date of our last service. We are merging with another church, which is more like saying that some of the members will be going together to another church.

The closing was inevitable. The church was in a part of town that is now quite international, both legal and illegal, if you catch my drift. Contrast that with our (mostly) whiteness, which wouldn't be a draw for them. The biggest church in the area had dwindled down to around a hundred members, closed its school, and sold its large church building to a spanish-speaking Catholic congregation. The remnant of those left from that church moved south to try to regroup.

My impression is that the church that is absorbing our church, so to speak, was essentially looking for another pastor and an improved worship band (I'm biased, but our is considerably better than theirs, and hey, I was in the music biz for more than a few years, so that's my "professional" - ha - opinion).

My analogy for this transition is that of an arranged marriage. The two groups of elders decided this would be good, but they didn't even bother coming over to spend an entire service with us...not once. A number of people at our church are enthusiastic, and I will not rain on their parade. They talk about us all being in the body of Christ. My answer is, in a group of ten Christian guys, they would not all be equally good mates for me.

They're a lot more conservative than us. The more conservative members of our church will welcome that, and I'm glad they will find a home. They also have a number of buildings, which has been important to a number of our members. I think buildings are vastly overrated, but I would agree that this church uses theirs more than most.

There's a lot of stress in our lives and this doesn't reduce it, but we will still have the chance to see our friends, at least for a while. We think of them as being our family. Some friends won't join us at this church, and that seems like the right decision for them.

My experience with churches that say they want to reach out and have more members is that they seem to generally want just more people like themselves.

I don't want to be assimilated into this way of thinking and acting, but I also don't want to fight the battles with even gently convincing others that we do not have to all be the same.

I still want people to be comfortable with wearing shorts and sandals to church, to have meaningful community, to stretch boundaries of worship and service, and maybe to have some church people reach out to us which hasn't happened a lot even at our present church.

Yes, I will keep my eyes open to look for positive signs, because I know that God can bring them. But I'm looking for other options. I can't wait for spiritual sustenance, and can't fight the battles of being different and not wanting to be merely turned into a conformist to their culture.

So I'll have the interesting journey of looking for some other spiritual sustenance. I've been through this before, when a church we attended in another state had a significant problem, and we decided we needed to stay and help minister to people, but we attended another church Sunday evenings to get some spiritual food.

This isn't the first church closing we've dealt with. But the last one involved questionable activities on the part of the pastor, so it is nice that we aren't dealing with that this time.

God has something planned! Will be interesting to see what it is.

If you are a praying person

Please pray for us. We are, indeed, grateful. God will prevail! He surely does take His sweet time, however...life's dragging on the bottom right now with wave after wave of bad news.

We continue to practice "On The Other Hands". Even told kiddo about them, and now they remind me of them with regularity. If a sixteen year old tells you they like your idea, as a 40-something you come close to fainting.

At any rate, things are really rough for the nashbabe and nashdude, but God has always taken care of us before, so why would He stop now? That's what I keep trying to tell myself. Sometimes, truly, it does seem like an attempt at brainwashing, but a renewed (i.e., "washed") brain ain't all bad if it's good and true stuff, eh? Yeah, yeah, I know. My feelings are all stressed, pained, frustration, fear, etc. But feelings aren't necessarily the truth. There I go telling myself that again.

I believe, help my unbelief. If God wanted me at the end of my schemes, my plans, my ideas, my attempts to control, BINGO! TARGET ACHIEVED!!!!

Thanks, I really appreciate you!!!

Kitty Ninjas

I blatantly stole this from my friend Kruse Kronicle. But seriously folks, he actually has a very erudite, thoughtful blog. This photo in no way represents his commentary. You can experience it for yourself here. Not bad, not bad at all.

Why is he so brilliant? I have a sneaking suspicion that the Scandinavian heritage he possesses has a little to do with it. Although if he has actually consumed lutefisk, I retract my statement. ;-P

Plane Crash

That is a peculiar title, I'm sure, but two weeks ago we were witnesses to a plane crash that almost led to our buying the farm, I suspect. Not that the farm isn't bought already, but I digress.

We went to Long Hunter State Park to get out of the house a bit. As we drove to the park entrance, I saw an older-looking plane flying extremely low to the ground. The airport isn't far from that location. As we drove a bit further into the park, we saw the plane coming right at us as we drove next to the only clearing in miles, that the pilot had chosen for his emergency landing.

Neither the tail nor the landing gear had been spared, so the plane was essentially out of control as it sped up the incline of the clearing, right at us. It all happened so fast. Right before it would have hit us, it veered to its left and stopped. The pilot, thankfully, was unhurt. Two weeks later, the plane was still at the crashlanding site where everything occured.

Video report here. Despite what the video said, we did see the pilot. The guy on film said "I'm stayin' here 'til the news cameras get here." Obviously, we didn't. Talk about getting shaken up.

The 10 Cannots

On this Election Day in the United States, read between the lines here and you'll have an idea of how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking.


"You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.

You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.

You cannot help the poor man by destroying the rich.

You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.

You cannot build character and courage by taking away man's initiative and independence.

You cannot help small men by tearing down big men.

You cannot lift the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer.

You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than your income.

You cannot establish security on borrowed money.

You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they will not do for themselves."

By William J. H. Boetcker
(wrongfully attributed to Abraham Lincoln)

You're probably becoming a part of pop culture...

...if you're lampooned on "The Simpsons". Not that I watch it, but loved this clip.

Chocolate Zucchini Cake

This recipe is from a book called "Too Many Tomatoes, Squash, Beans, and Other Good Things: A Cookbook for when your garden explodes" by Burrows and Myers. I think of it as being an outdated cookbook; mine is the 1976 edition. Based on a quick perusal of Amazon, it looks as though they updated the cover, but left all the same recipes intact.

My opinion is that some would not use these recipes at least from a health perspective, but it fit into the farmhouse cooking I grew up with. Some of the recipes are dated, but the vintage feel can be nice. And it does have some decadent stuff. Here is one example. I've given some substitutions that you may or may not want to use.

(Sorry I haven't blogged much lately. I have some good excuses. I will elaborate later. I haven't forgotten the giveaways, either, and actually the giveaway stuff is piling up.)

Chocolate Zucchini Cake

Cream together in large bowl:
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup oil (I think you could use applesauce in exchange for the oil)

Add the following to above and stir well to mix:
3 eggs (six egg whites will cut down the fat a lot)
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 cup buttermilk (I use nonfat plain yogurt instead. You might be able to try some nonfat or lowfat sour cream here as well...worth trying.)

Measure the following into a sifter (I admit, I didn't do that) and then sift into the bowl
2 1/2 cups flour (mixing half and half white and wheat should work fine)
1/2 tsp allspice
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp baking soda
4 tablespoons cocoa

Grate three zucchini, about 6 in long each, into the bowl. Stir until blended. Pour into greased, floured 9 by 13 inch pan.

Sprinkle 1/2 to 1 cup of chocolate chips on top. (Of course I go for the cup full!) ;-) Bake for 325 degrees for 45 minutes. Be sure to test for doneness, make sure the center isn't still gooey.

ENJOY!!!

Giveaways...

Giveaways are coming. Three to be exact. One is for chefs, one for bakers, and one for seamstresses and foofy stuff lovers (you know, frilly stuff). I was just going to make them for Mary Jane's Farm people, but where's the fun in that? I shall post on appropriate boards posthaste when the photos are taken. You will be doing me a grand favor helping me jettison more of my MIL's way over ambitious stash (don't get me started) and some items I got when I bought "Betsy", my new (old) Kenmore sewing machine (vintage late seventies or early 80's model).

thanks, and keep your eyes peeled!

Haven't posted in ages, so here's a meme you can do too!

From my friend AKAPastorGuy

What time did you get up this morning? 5:45 like usual

Diamonds or pearls? I'm a woman, I want it all...

The last film you saw at the cinema? U23D.

What is your favorite TV show? Mad Men, although the jury's out on this season still to some degree.

What do you usually have for breakfast? Some kind of diet cola, preferably with Splenda, and an Odwalla bar or Luna bar.

What is your middle name? do we have to go there? Faye.

What food do you dislike? lutefisk

What is your favorite CD at the moment? I like lots of stuff, but listened to a fair amount of Switchfoot today. We blast it at the beginning of our church service each Sunday (since I'm sound girlie, I make sure of that). ;-)

What kind of car do you drive? An ancient Honda, or elderly Buick, or old Ford. So many choices.

Favorite sandwich? I dunno, but that Savory Secret non-dessert cheesecake on Heartland Bakery bread, after a trip in the toaster oven, was really fab today.

What characteristic do you despise? Let's just say this. The opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference.

Favorite item of clothing? Anything that is smaller than I used to be able to wear comfortably. That means a lot of stuff.

If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go right now?
I'd take just about any real vacation I could get. It's been a long time. I am not too picky at this point.

Favorite brand of clothing? I haven't bought real clothes for a long time, but I think LL Bean and Lands' End last pretty well. Usually I just buy Target closeouts. I need to upgrade in this area a bit.

Where would you retire to? Don't know, depends on what God's got up his sleeve.

What was your most recent memorable birthday? At this age, any birthday is either memorable, or forgotten because of my advanced age.

Farthest place you are sending this? Well, I am surprised to say that I've had about 5,000 hits on my blog, go figure...almost every state and twenty-five countries, so that is something I find quite bizarre/surprising.

Person you expect to send it back first? I don't know if anyone will do it or not. I did it because I hadn't posted in a long while.

When is your birthday? approximately that of the Minnesota Vikings.

Are you a morning person or a night person? I can handle either one, although the early mornings that have happened out of necessity have made me turn in early in the last number of years. I used to stay up quite late before the mandatory 5:45 wake up call.

What is your shoe size? Usually 8.5 or 9.

Number of Pets? Three felines own the house and hubs and I are their dutiful, if lacking, slaves.

Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? Hopefully, by the grace of God, I will have some soon.

What did you want to be when you were little kid? Stewardess. Got cured of that fast.

How are you today? Interesting and challenging day, looking forward to midnight when it's officially over.

What is your favorite candy? Just one?! Peanut Butter Twix if we're slumming, good quality milk or dark chocolate otherwise.

What is your favorite flower? Whatever hubs brings home for me.

What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? Fall Break.

What is your full name? to you, I am nashbabe. :-)

What are you listening to right now? The Thursday Night Football season opener, and I think hubs will soon turn it to the McCain speech. Right now, I'm thinking Sarah Palin is an OTAY! chickie.

What was the last thing you ate? Mashed potatoes, which is quite out of the ordinary for me.

Do you wish on stars? Occasionally

If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Black or Purple

How is the weather right now? Twas a beautiful day in Nashvegas.

Last person you spoke to on the phone? hubs

Favorite soft drink? See "what did I have for breakfast"

Favorite restaurant? something local, tasty, non-chain, etc. How about some pizza at Angelos, maybe some tacos authenticos at La Terraza, some bun chai gio at Kien Ghang or Miss Saigon? Those all sound pretty good to me.

Hair color? Brown, the free highlights are long gone, and a few grey hairs I pull obsessively.

What was your favorite toy as a child? Tonka camper truck. Kewl. And of course Barbies, which I dressed in space-age aluminum foil costumes.

Summer or winter? Winter if it really has snow.

Hugs or kisses? Yes.

Chocolate or Vanilla? Depends on which one's got better ingredients. Junk ice cream is disgusting.

Coffee or tea? How 'bout some "unsweet."

Do you want your friends to email you back? Friends who email me? Huh? Can't think of too many offhand. Texting, baby!!!

When was the last time you cried? This afternoon.

What is under your bed? Probably Emily the cat.

What did you do last night? nothing exciting

What are you afraid of? losing my passion

Salty or sweet? Yes please. Add cruncy, and you have nirvana.

How many keys on your key ring? Yikes. A lot.

How many years at your current job? Hmm, which one? The one that pays nominally, or the one that doesn't pay at all and has retirement benefits that are out of this world? I guess both are about nine years.

Favorite day of the week? They all run together.

How many towns have you lived in? Six.

Do you make friends easily? I think I'm a pretty giving and friendly person, but in the final analysis don't have many friends.

How many people will you send this to? Whomever shows up here at the blog.

How many will respond? I have no idea.

Hand dyeing of cotton yarn...

I've been wanting to do this with some items I have already finished in cream/ecru Sugar N Cream or Peaches N Creme-type cotton yarn. Lo and behold, I found this tutorial at yarngear that looks to have all the elements I'm looking for. If I can get these done this week, I'll have a bunch of new items to sell at market.

Why I do the market.

One of the various places I sell my wares is a farmer's market. It is a particularly good one, and now is well attended. It wasn't always that way; we slaved in obscurity for several years before folks caught on.

One of the people who has been most helpful in my climb out of despair suggested I write a list of good things that happen each day. A while ago, sometimes all it consisted of was "I didn't off myself today" or "I didn't off my hubby today". Sort of kidding on the last one, not totally kidding on the first one.

Things have been getting better, though. Kind of a Romans 8:28 kinda thing.

The truth of the matter, though, is that even when things have been at their worst, market has usually to almost always been a place to gain positive things that I need on many levels. Even last summer, in a time of great despair.

With that in mind, here are some reasons I do the market:

*Help pay kiddo's tuition. Yeah, we send someone else's kid to school. I know, that sounds crazy, especially if you don't know us. Trust us, that kid is WAY worth it.

*A consistent place to get cash flow to help our family.

*Beyond that, a place to show my talents to the world; well, actually, our little corner of the world. :-)

*It's in an area of town with disposable income and interest in my products.

*Some of the friendliest, most giving folks around are fellow vendors. It's a pleasure to work alongside them.

*Customers are so complimentary. It's always good to hear about how much people like your product. A few times, it's downright embarrassing (see below).

*Absolutely no buy/sell (flea market product). You either made it or grew it yourself. Period.

*Only one crabby person in five years of selling there. A guy rushed in at the end of market one May day and said gruffly, "where are the tomatoes?" I explained that the market is all-local and as such tomatoes would not be there for several more weeks. "Well, where am I supposed to get my tomatoes?" he grunted, and I wanted to say "well, there's a Publix down the street...."

*It is one of the two places where I can just about always forget about the trials of our life and just be there. The other one is when I walk; more about that soon.

*Lots of lovely organic and conventional produce; yummy breads, muffins, and pies; grass-fed meats (not like I can afford them, but I'm sure they're great); dairy; and great addon/gifty stuff like my own--I sell candles, soaps, air fresheners, lavender eye pillows, flax seed wraps, aprons, hairbands, bags, scarves, you name it, I make it.

*A hardworking market manager who understands what I am attempting to do by being at market and is very supportive of my mission.

*And where else can I hear some guy I have never met (who bought my product somewhere else) tell a prospective customer "you have to buy her Cranberry Orange candles; they will change your life." Wow. Actually I was thinking "dude, you need to get out more!" ;-)

So if you're local, get on out to our market...email me for details. And if you're not, check out the farmer's market in your neighborhood...not only are they good for veggies, but they may just give you some enjoyment and relaxation to boot.

Complete with photo illustrations.

The "bible" of diagnosis in the psychology/psychiatry world is the DSM-IV: the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Our joke around our house is that in this tome of shrinky-dinkdom (isn't a word, but oughta be) ;-) that our family (both sides) and kiddo's family (several generations) have their photos featured next to quite a number of the various disorders.

Which probably led to my major depression.

But I'm gettin' better. :-)

Hey, we have to laugh about this somehow...

A word of thanks.

When I started blogging a year-ish ago, I didn't realize where it would go; of course, does anyone? Yesterday I spoke with someone from a considerable distance away who let me know that they read my blog from time to time. I had no idea.

Thanks to any and all who stop by here now and then. I'll try to make it at least somewhat interesting or applicable. Speaking of useful/applicable, I have a plan to do that in a specific way. More about that soon.

Again, thanks.

Might just be Psalm 90.

Another blessing, a nice-sized one. This one took a whopping hour to happen ;-) after I stuck my neck out a wee bit. After all these things happening, I am thinking that the tail end of Psalm 90 just might apply...God's certainly drawing a lot of attention to Himself in a good way, and as our friend James says (not the book of the Bible, our friend!), we are "bragging on God."

Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,
for as many years as we have seen trouble.

May your deeds be shown to your servants,
your splendor to their children.

May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for us—
yes, establish the work of our hands.

All things bookish.

My friend Mel had this interesting tidbit on her blog. Looks like I have a little reading to do, especially after successfully convincing kiddo that the book is always better than the movie.

Is There A Movie Adapted From That?

The story is that apparently the National Endowment for the Arts estimates that the average adult has only read six of these books. Here are the markup guidelines:

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.

2) Italicize those you intend to read.

3) Mark in red the books you LOVE.

4) Reprint this list in your blog


1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkein

3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte

4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling

5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

6 The Bible

7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell

9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman

10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott

12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy

13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller

14 The complete works of Shakespeare -- I've read some, but by no means all

15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier

16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien

17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks

18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger

19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger

20 Middlemarch - George Eliot

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell

22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald

23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens

24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy

25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams

26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh

27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck

29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll

30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy

32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens

33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis

34 Emma - Jane Austen

35 Persuasion - Jane Austen

36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis

37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini

38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres

39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden

40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell

42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown

43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

44 A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving

45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins

46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery

47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy

48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood

49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding

50 Atonement - Ian McEwan

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel

52 Dune - Frank Herbert

53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons

54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen

55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth

56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon

57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens

58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley

59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon

60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck

62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov

63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt

64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold

65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas

66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac

67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy

68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding

69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie

70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens

72 Dracula - Bram Stoker

73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett

74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson

75 Ulysses - James Joyce

76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath

77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome

78 Germinal - Emile Zola

79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray

80 Possession - AS Byatt

81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens

82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell

83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker

84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro

85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert

86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry

87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White

88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom

89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

90 The Faraway Tree Collection

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad

92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks

94 Watership Down - Richard Adams

95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole

96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute

97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas

98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare

99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl

100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

An overnight sensation.

People in this town, to swoop into huge generalization mode, are either natives (not that many) or people with a plan. They're here to be discovered. And a whole lot of them don't deserve to be, or won't work hard enough, or don't have the right look (yep, it does come down to that), or their skin isn't thick enough, they aren't unique enough, they're too unique and can't easily be categorized, etc.

Hey, I have to count myself among those who moved here with a plan. Actually, I visited Schmoozic City five years before I actually moved here. My goal was to become a record executive type. Yep, I did it. And now it's in my rear view mirror, off to a different calling.

The other day we met a musician in our neighborhood. An actual working musician. They call this city "Music City" on purpose, but a recent statistic stated that we have the most working musicians of any city in America--yep, more than New York or the city of angels. This, however, is deceptive...if I recall correctly, the survey said that this meant .6 of a percentage in this town actually made their living being a musician.

Which brings me to Keith Urban.

That guy played gigs in this town for eons, with some local following, but no major impact. He even signed with a good sized label, but no major impact there. He moved here sixteen years ago, and for most of that time labored in obscurity.

All of a sudden, it seemed, things exploded for him. And now Mr. Nicole Kidman is a superstar, and still hangs out in local venues because that's how we are in Music City--virtually paparazzi free, and not swarmed by residents. We treat famous people like that almost universally, so when Keith and Nicole want to go out to Bread and Company, or go see a movie, or go to Bed Bath and Beyond, we leave them the heck alone. I know when I saw Ronnie Dunn at kiddo's cross country meets, or sat next to Darrell Waltrip at one of kiddo's soccer games, I left them the heck alone...and so did everyone else.

But the bottom line was, Keith labored for a long, long time without anyone noticing to speak of. Yeah, he was cute back then too...so that's not it. Perhaps he made it partially because he was like us: TSTQ. That's our acronym around here: depending on the day we call it "Too Stubborn To Quit" or "Too Stupid to Quit."

That's certainly part of how hubs and I have stayed together twenty five years, at least some segment of it. Although I have to say--how could ANYONE stay together without God? That puzzles me, frankly...

So to the story at hand. Last Monday was a horrifically despairing day. We didn't see any way to get from the crises that had lingered like bad odors, some for many months, and no way out. Then in the span of thirty-six hours last Tuesday and Wednesday, we had five important positive things happened that gave us great hope, comfort, and provision. All after striving for a couple of years on some of it.

I had pleaded to God to show me what to do next, actually yelled at Him, knowing from the Psalms that He can take it. That was cathartic in a way, but still no word. Then all of a sudden...wow. Hubs and I could see the effort that we had been putting in for so long come together, in a great relief. I can see this being the time of blessing that equals the time of suffering that the writer in Psalm 90 talks about. So grateful, thankful, joyous...can't begin to put words to it that truly describe the place we reside right now.

Hey, we can't sing like Keith Urban, but we know what "overnight success" feels like. God has very interesting timing, and does quite an admirable job showing that it is indeed God's work. At the same time, waiting for resolution/blessing/provision to rain down on one's head without doing the work one can do and needs to do is a pretty much pointless activity (or lack thereof).

If you've been praying for us, we are truly grateful. Thanks.

By request: Anniversary Pasta Salad

Let's take a break from the madness. I need one, you do too? Okay, how about cooking something summery? Put those crises in a pillowcase, thrash them about a bit, and then tie the top. Yeah, they'll escape soon enough, but at least right now they're chewing on each other trying to get out.

Okay, off to the kitchen. I think both cooking and baking can be therapeutic for different reasons. Baking: reassuring and orderly. Cooking: a whack on the side of the head, a jolt that might get me thinking differently about the problem(s) and possibly come up with other ideas.

This is a salad I threw together for our 25th anniversary party. I consider cooking an art and baking a science. In other words, baking is almost uniformly a science experiment, i.e. combine the exact ingredients in the exact measure in the exact conditions (humidity, heat, etc.) and you should have a baked good emerge from your efforts. Baking is very gratifying because it doesn't fall along the realm of unpredictability, by and large. Do these exact things, and you should end up with the baked good of your dreams.

On the other hand, I consider cooking an art. Throw in a little of this and a little of that, and see what you come up with. Keep track of what you did, or you'll never be able to replicate it again. Or intentionally DON'T keep track, and enjoy a one time adventure.

Here's the ingredients. Need I say that they are open to experimentation, and you'll have to come up with the amounts yourself? It wouldn't be an art otherwise, would it?

Here are my suggestions:

Pretty pasta. I used Neptune's Dream pasta (photo and vendor shown), but of course that's all up to you. I like the multicolored aspect, but you could always go monochromatic.
Pesto dressing. I just used Kraft.
Roasted red peppers
Chopped green pepper
Black olives
Artichoke hearts
Basil (yeah, I added some more) and extra virgin olive oil
Chopped garlic cloves
Crumbled feta cheese
Chopped vidalia onions
Salt, pepper, whatever other seasonings suit you.

Okay, run with it, and make something exclusively your own. Not necessarily a substitute for therapy, but a heck of an adjunct. :-)

King's Island...

ain't got nothin' on us. Hangin' on. These past few days have been a wild ride.

The last twenty four hours...

...have been a great encouragement. A couple of things we have labored over for months, one for over a year, have started to show signs of life and positive motion. Perhaps remembering the psalm about continuing to sow seed despite many tears of despair has been the great comfort and encouragement we needed. God is at work, which I knew intellectually but not in the deep core of my being. My heart's getting some much needed encouragement today and I am so grateful.

Perhaps this is a good moment to share something I wrote the other day before this all happened.

The rain, whether from the sky or from my eyes, almost always happens on a dark and gloomy day. If my heart is like receptive soil, and not hardened, I can receive something helpful and nurturing from the rain, rather than having it roll off without benefit. I can actually grow and not just be eroded and swept away.

Some good news...

...not the major stuff, but something that will help.

I'm sorry, I know I sound cryptic sometimes. Many difficulties surround the kiddo, and since kiddo isn't our kiddo, if you know what I'm saying, discretion is the better part of valor. Not things to be posted on a blog, and yet I feel the need to emote about them. If you stopped by my blog, and indulged me the chance to emote, I thank you from the bottom of my pea-pickin' heart.

Lord, I'm grateful for the reminder that you are working things out for our good. Now, please show me what to do, in Your time. Thanks.

Quotes of the day...

--I can feel guilty about the past, apprehensive about the future, but only in the present can I act. The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.

--If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life.

--A first rate soup is better than a second rate painting.

--We may define therapy as a search for value.

--He that is good with a hammer tends to think everything is a nail.

--What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.

--A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be, he must be. This need we call self-actualization.

--If I were dropped out of a plane into the ocean and told the nearest land was a thousand miles away, I'd still swim. And I'd despise the one who gave up.


Abraham Maslow

I liked this

Warning, it's political. I did say I'd largely stay out of politics, right? Back to the regularly scheduled life of nashbabe...

Sow on, sow on...

It seemed like a dream, too good to be true, when God returned Zion's exiles.
We laughed, we sang,
we couldn't believe our good fortune.
We were the talk of the nations—
"God was wonderful to them!"
God was wonderful to us;
we are one happy people.

And now, God, do it again—
bring rains to our drought-stricken lives
So those who planted their crops in despair
will shout hurrahs at the harvest,
So those who went off with heavy hearts
will come home laughing, with armloads of blessing.

Psalm 126 ("The Message" -- Eugene Peterson)

Never despair, but if you do, work on in despair. -- Edmund Burke

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. -- from the book of Galatians

Defeat


Defeat, my Defeat,
my solitude and my aloofness.
You are dearer to me
than a thousand triumphs,
and sweeter to my heart
than all world glory.

Defeat, my Defeat,
my self-knowledge and my defiance.
Through you I know that
I am yet young and swift of foot
and not to be trapped
by withering laurels.
And in you
I have found aloneness
and the joy of
being shunned and scorned.

Defeat, my Defeat,
my shining sword and shield.
In your eyes I have read
that to be enthroned
is to be enslaved,
and to be understood
is to be levelled down,
and to be grasped
is but to reach one's fullness
and like a ripe fruit
to fall and be consumed.

Defeat, my Defeat,
my bold companion,
you shall hear my songs
and my cries and my silences,
and none but you shall speak to me
of the beating of wings,
and urging of seas,
and of mountains
that burn in the night,
and you alone shall climb
my steep and rocky soul.

Defeat, my Defeat,
my deathless courage,
you and I shall laugh together
with the storm,
and together we shall dig graves
for all that die in us,
and we shall stand
in the sun with a will,
and we shall be dangerous.

"Madman" 1918 --Kahlil Gibran


I'll make up for the years of the locust,
the great locust devastation—
Locusts savage, locusts deadly,
fierce locusts, locusts of doom,
That great locust invasion
I sent your way.
You'll eat your fill of good food.
You'll be full of praises to your God,
The God who has set you back on your heels in wonder.
Never again will my people be despised.
You'll know without question
that I'm in the thick of life with Israel,
That I'm your God, yes, your God,
the one and only real God.
Never again will my people be despised.

from the book of Joel ("The Message" -- Eugene Peterson)

Haven't I been quoting that last one a whole lot, God? I don't understand, but I'll do my best to keep sowing. If something grows, that would really help me keep flinging the seed. Thanks.

That's about the extent of it...

They wonder why people don't vote...in droves.

I have been very well behaved about my lack of political blogging, in light of current events around my domicile and nearby domiciles. :-) However, I may have to go into defense mode rather than remaining like the Swiss. I won't be doing it on this board, though. This was probably my only other political post of the year.

The last straw.

After a night of watching kiddo and hubs bowl in their league (a silly, strangely out of place activity that has become kind of a "family" bonding experience despite its low level of intellectual pursuit--and we're a "family" of sorts, aren't we?), I went outside to the car and realized that someone had stolen the logo off the trunk. It was pretty obvious, a trio of finger marks in the light layer of dust surrounding where the logo had been.

Good grief, people, it's an early 90's Honda. How could that be something worth stealing?

I'm sure they thought it wasn't that big of a deal, didn't even think of the ramifications for me. But the main thing was that it was the last straw. I was already stressed, angry, searching for answers, continually trying to put all the junk back in God's hands where it belongs. But this could have just pushed me over the edge.

Later, I thought about the small hurtful, insensitive, or possibly injurious things I have likely done, really without regard for others. It didn't seem like much at the time, but for all I know it could have been the straw that broke the camel's back, as it were. I do tend to walk on eggshells because of my family history, but we all veer toward Self-Centered Land, and it gave me pause. At least by this stupid situation I was reminded to go as gently as I can into the world and be as helpful and complimentary as I can.

And by the way, the fabulous nashbabe (that would be me) ventured to the auto parts store all by her lonesome, picked out the needed products to fix and reasonably seal/paint the affected area, and am finishing the repair later today. Won't be perfect, but it will be reasonably mended, and I'm fairly certain that rain water won't leak into the trunk as it would if I just ignored the problem.

So that's not all bad.

Prayer of Thomas Merton

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

It would seem that deja vu is here again

Haven't I already said that it was rough, really rough, and seemingly getting rougher? Yet, here I am again saying it's getting even rougher. Will it ever get any better? I am trying to have hope.

I am so grateful for all the people who are helping us, sending notes of comfort, strengthening us. It is very hard right now, but imagine how hard it would be if they were not here lifting us up?

Also, I don't even want to think of where I would be right now if I wasn't walking and walking and walking some more. I am walking 45-60 minutes a day, four-six times a week. Yeah, pudgy Clydesdale nashbabe is doing that. Hard to believe. Never thought I could do this, but I am. Now I can't imagine not doing it. Frankly, I need it. It IS changing my life, I have to admit. Now I hope that in all this chaos, I won't be forced to give it up. I need some protection, Lord, and deep inside I know you are protecting me, but frankly, I feel pretty vulnerable right now to the storms. Hurricane Dolly ain't got nothin' on them, unfortunately.

A difficult part of all this is that I'm trying to hold my hubs up through this madness, really by necessity, but I can't really hold myself up. Really stinks to both be going through such difficulty. I am so tired of saying this. I thought things were going to calm down, and I know pretty much every friend in the book has to be tired of nashbabe and hubs' problems. I know I am. I feel stupid for having these problems, but in my more rational moments I know that they are largely if not exclusively outside stressors being dumped on us.

There are four, no, five things weighing down heavily on us. Any one of them would be considered a difficult, crisis type situation on their own. All of them together is madness.

The good part is I am stronger now than last year, in order to deal with them. It does seem like the problems haven't abated much in the past year in particular, and seem to be worsening. I'm grateful that I have some stress management in place now that I haven't had before. Growing up with nearly constant abuse gives a person weird ideas...like they deserved it, like there is no possible situation where one should attend to one's needs. After all, you are crap, and the abuser will remind you of that on a regular basis, even after you have severed contact. At least I'm learning to care for myself. Lord, I hope I do it for the right reasons, and not just to be strong enough to care for others.

I'm reading Psalm 42 a lot, too. Lord, please help me through this. I don't even know how I'm still standing. Surely it's time for a break from this heavy, depressing stuff. Please. I'm begging you. But even if it can't change, please stay really close to me and help me right now. Thank you, amen.

Enough musing, praying, and crying for tonight. Off to make every attempt to get some rest.

Quote o' the day

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight where everything remains seemingly unchanged, and it is in such twilight that we must be aware of change in the air, however slight, lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

- - Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas

One of the best shows you probably haven't yet discovered.

Mad Men.

It's a must-see.

Admittedly, it is not for kids or teens in my book, but it is richly scripted, impeccably cast, intriguingly staged, and utterly fascinating. There, I said it.

I've watched it since its inception and watched my DVR copies again and again. Every time it's been worth a second look, and then some.

Now that it has received 16 Emmy nominations, I recommend you give it a look-see. Watch the first season in its entirety and I think you'll be sucked into the vortex just like little old nashbabe. But watch 'em all, and see the drama enfold. Only one or two might not do it, but the whole enchilada probably will.

Basil Jelly

A friend posted this in another area of cyberspace. Since I'm surrounded by fresh herbs each week at the farmers' market, I have no excuse not to try it.

1 qt. water
2 cups packed basil
1 pkg (1 3/4 oz) fruit pectin
3 drops green food color
5 cups of sugar

Bring water and Basil to a boil - Remove from heat - cover- let stand for 10 minutes. Strain and discard Basil. Return 3 2/3 cups of liquid to pan. Stir in Pectin and color. Return to boil. Add sugar- boil 1 minute, stirring CONSTANTLY. Remove any foam, pour into hot jars. Seal, then hot water bath for 15 minutes. Makes 6 half pints.

Deep calls to deep...

...in the roar of Your waterfall.

Piper's at it again. Talking about how to deal with depression Biblically. Great stuff that really helped me. Reading it is one thing...I really suggest listening or watching.

It wasn't like I wasn't already doing some or many of these things, just being reminded soundly about strong, faithful responses to life as it is. Lots of good stuff here.

Wasted on me...:-)

When we arrived at the Vanderbilt track this morning to walk, a group of young men, all garbed in blue and gold, were working out in the infield, alternating this with running laps. Who could it be but the rookies of the Nashville Predators, the NHL franchise here in town. I know that Christy and Paul will be jealous. Sorry, it was wasted on me, but some of them were cute.

I'm so proud of hubs, he has been walking for threeish weeks now. It is giving him a little grin once in a while. Lord, you know he has that coming. Thank you.

Yet another quote o' the day

What's up with that? Another one?

A life making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.

-- George Bernard Shaw

It's been quite a week.

In seven days' time, we achieved two milestones. First, hubs and I have now been married for TWENTY FIVE years. I told him that the return period was over, now he had to keep me. *L* Also, we have paid off our house. This won't lead to extra money as we have some debts to dig out from in the past few months, and yeah, it needs work, and yeah, it's not in the fab part of town, but WE OWN IT. Kewl.

Quote of the day

Do not be discouraged at your faults; bear with yourself in correcting them, as you would with your neighbor. Lay aside this ardor of mind, which exhausts your body, and leads you to commit errors. Accustom yourself gradually to carry prayer into all your daily occupations. Speak, move, work, in peace, as if you were in prayer, as indeed you ought to be.

-- François Fénelon

Craigslist came through for me.

Here is my new old sewing machine. I'm partial to the old machines made in Japan. They are all metal, have no computers to go bad, but yet have lots of groovy stitches. The person I bought this from (for a song--$40!!!) thought it was too complicated and couldn't figure out how to run it. Hmmm...

Well, this machine is almost identical to my other one, including lots of pattern stitch cams. Also has lots of feet including a bunch of hemmer feet. Since my machines are late 70's and early 80's vintage Kenmores, they have a special "super high" shank and it is hard to get feet that truly work. Yes, you can get attachments from ebay, but they don't fit nearly as well. So I figure just the great army of feet included was worth the money just by itself. Of course, I wished it had a walking foot and a ruffler, but alas, that is too greedy of me.

As much sewing as I do, my online sewing friends were aghast that I didn't have more than one machine. Well, it never dawned on me. At this amazing price, it was well worth it. Did I mention that it was a mere four miles away? I just drove over and got it (hey, it's craigslist, so I was sure to have hubs along just in case).

After a few quick adjustments to the feed dogs and a quick rundown on the bobbin protocol (unlike my other machine but somewhat like the machine of my childhood years) I'm up and running. So far, it purrs like a kitten. I've gotten a fair amount of product done already.

So I'm a happy camper. It's probably not a coincidence that I found it, and I should give a quick shoutout to God and give myself a little credit for looking doggedly for an option that would be good.

It came with a bunch of sewing stuff, some of which I'm going to part with in an upcoming Mary Jane's Farm giveaway. So stay tuned, seamstressmeisters....

I feel naked without it.

My sewing machine is in the shop. It's an oldie so I am hopeful that they can even find parts for it. (It's older than our marriage--1982 vintage.)

It's my worry stone, my therapy, my "calm down" thing to do.

Guess I'll have to do something else. Well, walking does seem to help. I need all the (good for me) stress relief I can get.

But it doesn't help me make things to make money. Oh, well. There are other things to do, piling up, it would seem. Having a hard time keeping caught up, but I feel it will get better. It's going to have to.

Zoiks

Sis in hospital.
Kiddo heartbreak again.
Hubs tough times.

Praying as before.

"What the chewing locust left,
the gobbling locust ate;
What the gobbling locust left,
the munching locust ate;
What the munching locust left,
the chomping locust ate.

Between Sanctuary entrance and altar,
let the priests, God's servants, weep tears of repentance.
Let them intercede: "Have mercy, God, on your people!
Don't abandon your heritage to contempt.
Don't let the pagans take over and rule them
and sneer, 'And so where is this God of theirs?'

"I'll make up for the years of the locust,
the great locust devastation—
Locusts savage, locusts deadly,
fierce locusts, locusts of doom,
That great locust invasion
I sent your way.
You'll eat your fill of good food.
You'll be full of praises to your God,
The God who has set you back on your heels in wonder.
Never again will my people be despised.
You'll know without question
that I'm in the thick of life with Israel,
That I'm your God, yes, your God,
the one and only real God.
Never again will my people be despised."

--snippets from the book of Joel, "The Message"

May it be so. I'm still waiting. I totally suck at waiting, but in my defense it has been a LONG LONG LONG time.

Wow, the hits just keep on coming

Guess there HAS to be something good out of all this madness. It has ratcheted up again, and I'm holding on. Just the right time to get this gem from Charles Spurgeon in my email box courtesy of Heartlight (it's public domain so you can go download it yourself to your heart's content)...

"This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope."
-- Lamentations 3:21

"Memory is frequently the bond slave of despondency. Dispairing minds
call to remembrance every dark foreboding in the past, and dilate upon
every gloomy feature in the present; thus memory, clothed in sackcloth,
presents to the mind a cup of mingled gall and wormwood. There is,
however, no necessity for this. Wisdom can readily transform memory
into an angel of comfort. That same recollection which in its left hand
brings so many gloomy omens, may be trained to bear in its right a
wealth of hopeful signs. She need not wear a crown of iron, she may
encircle her brow with a fillet of gold, all spangled with stars. Thus
it was in Jeremiah's experience: in the previous verse memory had
brought him to deep humiliation of soul: "My soul hath them still in
remembrance, and is humbled in me;" and now this same memory restored
him to life and comfort. "This I recall to my mind, therefore have I
hope." Like a two-edged sword, his memory first killed his pride with
one edge, and then slew his despair with the other. As a general
principle, if we would exercise our memories more wisely, we might, in
our very darkest distress, strike a match which would instantaneously
kindle the lamp of comfort. There is no need for God to create a new
thing upon the earth in order to restore believers to joy; if they
would prayerfully rake the ashes of the past, they would find light for
the present; and if they would turn to the book of truth and the throne
of grace, their candle would soon shine as aforetime. Be it ours to
remember the lovingkindness of the Lord, and to rehearse his deeds of
grace. Let us open the volume of recollection which is so richly
illuminated with memorials of mercy, and we shall soon be happy. Thus
memory may be, as Coleridge calls it, "the bosom-spring of joy," and
when the Divine Comforter bends it to his service, it may be chief
among earthly comforters."

Market

We had a very good market this last weekend. Hats off to our new market manager who has got it goin' on, if you know what I mean. I think we all pretty much were busy. I'm very grateful.

I need to get a ton of product made not only for market, but for some other orders. Chop chop, nashbabe, keep workin'...gives me something to do instead of thinking about kiddo's situation. That's not all bad.

Whoa, spud

4100 hits in five months? From 45 states and 21 countries? Whoa. I had no idea. Thanks is the least I can say. Thanks for reading my musings. I'll try to keep up the cooking, crafty, creative part. Thanks a lot for checking up on my blog now and again. :-)

A flashback

Kiddo was around ten when I was telling them that they could do anything if they set their mind to it.

They said, "That's not true. I can't fly! I can't shoot fire out of my eyes!"

Interesting thing from my friend christy

I guess these are called memes. My friend Christy has this on her blog at present. So I gave it a whirl. If you're a blogger, perhaps you'll want to tag some folks with it, or write it yourself. Very stream-of-conciousness.

i am: complicated
i think: and then long to not think for a while
i know: there’s only one solution—God.
i want: to be obedient, and have health and peace.
i have: everything I need, even if it doesn’t seem that I do
i wish: I could truly help kiddo
i hate: indifference
i miss: my career
i fear: decline
i feel: sorrow
i hear: cats meowing
i smell: something in the oven
i crave: healing for myself and for others
i search: for meaning, and understanding
i wonder: how God is really in control at present
i regret: not saving more money earlier in life
i love: a few, very strongly
i ache: sin stinks
i care: about what God cares about, at least sometimes, certainly not always
i am always: trying too hard
i am not: indifferent
I believe: help my unbelief
i dance: at stop lights in the car while taking kiddo to school
i sing: a lot
i don't always: pay attention to what my body or my feelings are trying to tell me
i fight: for things I truly care about
i write: because I have to. I can’t not write.
i win: not as much lately
i lose: stuff
i never: want to be like those who hurt me
i confuse: my worth and my productivity
i listen: to a lot of stuff and try to winnow out useful things.
i can usually be found: trying to encourage and help
i am scared: of those who rage
i need: God's mercy and love. Friends. Help.
i am happy about: being able to put it in God’s capable hands, even though I’d like to deck him sometimes, maybe even now.

you?

Easy gifty baking on a budget

It's the end of the school year and that brings a need or desire to thank teachers and school personnel for all their help this year. But your funds are tight, you say? How about bringing them a few mini loaves of delectable homemade treats.

I don't particularly like to make cupcakes or even muffins. All that individual portioning crap, and frosting (at least the cupcakes). So a while back I bought some mini loaf pans. They were not only sturdy and teflon, they were on super closeout for some ridiculous price...79 cents each.

I take muffin recipes and nut/fruit/quick bread recipes and put them in mini loaf pans instead. When the loaves are finished and have been cooled on a rack, they fit just perfectly into ziplock sandwich size bags...so no big expense to package either.

They are always appreciated as a little gift, whether a thank you, encouragement, or as a little "I'm not going to tell you who left this on your doorstep" gift. I've been known to do the latter, so if you're a friend of mine I will neither confirm nor deny whether I was the one that did it to you. ;-)

Baking time is the thing to take into consideration, of course. With a muffin recipe, I find that about double the time stated on the recipe is about right for a mini loaf size. With nut/fruit/quick bread recipes, it will probably take almost as long as the original timing, but do check it after about half the stated time and see how it's going. I wouldn't bake it for as long as the large loaf, but you'll probably have to bake it 2/3 to 3/4 the time as the original quick bread recipe. Use a toothpick or skewer to ensure it comes out clean, so everything's baked through.

Be sure to spray all your pans with pam, and to remove the loaves after about five or ten min to cool on a rack for the nicest texture. Sometimes there are mini-loaf sized muffin paper cups available to fit in the mini loaves. Usually that would be from a place like one that sells Wilton-type cake supplies.

I find that most muffin or quick bread recipes make about three mini loaves, so I usually double the batch and make six. This time of year, that's a good little gift or snack anyone will enjoy.

If you want something other than muffin or quick bread recipes, a quick google search on the phrase "mini loaf" brings up all kinds of interesting recipes.

The other good thing for me personally about mini loaves is that I can give all but one away, and that one loaf will not destroy all I've been working for with eating right and working out lately. :-)

Have fun! They'll like it. I can (just about) guarantee it.

Quote of the day

People who make babies surrender their right to behave like them.
--Carolyn Hax

It's been a helluva last 24 hours

Insanity. True insanity.

Can't post about it on a public blog other than to say "you have GOT to be kidding" mixed with "yep, I should have expected that outta them."

God's still got a plan in the midst of all this crap.

Truly overwhelming, to be honest. Almost three years of praying brings us to this stop in the mess. The good thing is that an unlikely person is saying "don't worry nashbabe, we will make it through all this crap, we will make it through." I'm impressed by their faith and so thankful for their encouragement. I have shed many tears in the last day, unfortunately.

The limbo it puts us in, or should I say KEEPS us in, is so grueling to live through. If it had to do with me, hey, I could bear it. But to see someone else suffer so much just cuts my heart in pieces.

In the midst of this, here in the interest of balance, I'll post stuff I like...

*the middle school teachers at the track where I work out...they continue to be encouraging and put up with me walking on the track as waves of middle schoolers alternate between running and sauntering around the track, talking about all kinds of interesting stuff...hmmm...

*my old, crappy looking car gets around 30 miles per gallon! Good thing since I am having to put $60 to $70 of gas in it each week at least. Ugh.

*might not put as many miles on the car in a few days when school is out.

*working out is working for me! I can feel that I am a little smaller, and I feel better. and my bottom bp number is usually in the 60s and sometimes the high 50s. Yee haw. that's kewl.

*I do feel better overall. the grief is doing a number on me, but physically and emotionally I am stronger. God is working on me through a lot of different avenues.

*I get the chance to bless others with encouragement. I have even received some encouragement myself...kind of a new development, and greatly needed right now.

This list of good stuff is perspective but also bravado, I suppose. The big thing isn't getting worked out. It STILL isn't getting worked out. My grief is deep. Can't give up now, although options are unclear. Lord, show us what to do and, equally important, what NOT to do. Amen.

So ya proud of me for not just whining? Trust me, it's a really good reason to whine. But at least I have a little perspective. It doesn't blot out the gut kick, but it helps anyhow.

Record my lament;
list my tears on your scroll~~
are they not in your record?
--from Psalm 56

Psalm 63
A psalm of David. When he was in the Desert of Judah.
1 O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.

3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.

4 I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.

5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

6 On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.

7 Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.

8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

9 They who seek my life will be destroyed;
they will go down to the depths of the earth.

10 They will be given over to the sword
and become food for jackals.

11 But the king will rejoice in God;
all who swear by God's name will praise him,
while the mouths of liars will be silenced.

Rollercoaster has ended up on another good note

So my hubs said, "You need to get that checked out at the doctor."

I'm like...hey dude, I just had an MRI...back off.

He doesn't let up.

So I go to the nurse practitioner at the doc's ofc, just to get him off my back.

She says "your husband has good assessment skills, I want the surgeon to look at this."

Crap. Now I have to admit my husband was right, and I was wrong. We can't let that happen, eh?

After most of a couple days at the doc and having tests, I am once again on the good side of this all. Just precautionary. All is well.

But I still have to admit hubs was right. Yikes. ;-)

Way past time for a MJF giveaway...

Okay, all you Mary Jane's Farm farmgirls...(and if you're not one, why haven't you headed over there yet?) ;-)

It's time to return the favor. We've gone through a tough, stressful time, and continue to do so, and your kindnesses, giveaways, aprons, and lots of attagirls have helped me along the way.

So it's time for my FIRST giveaway. Yep, there's more stuff to give away and it will be on tap probably next month.

First up...from my MIL's stash, for bakers or those who want to be, a lovely cookbook called "A Loaf of Bread". Even if you don't bake, you'll probably like the beautiful pictures and load of different bread recipes. Everything from bread machines, to old-time bread making, to breads of various countries, to flatbreads, focaccias, and everything inbetween is found within.

Also, a very lovely, never used, "Bavaria" bundt pan from those fabulous Scandinavians at Nordicware. This in and of itself is quite a lovely giveaway.

Hey, even if you don't bake and don't want to, these would be fabulous gifts for someone you know that does.

I will ship these probably a slow method because of the weight. The wait should be well worth it. :-)

Just leave a comment in this post, and I will either number all the posts and draw from a hat, or if the lovely Bonne will help me find the random number generator on the internet (perhaps a Google search first is in order...;-) ) I will use that.

Giveaway drawing will be end of the day May 30th. So be there or be square. Good luck all! :-)

This is a day that I'm always glad when it's over.

Mother's Day. Yikes. Not my favorite day. I prayed that somehow God would send some encouragement my way this weekend. Mother's Day always falls on a Sunday, so I have to watch the moms get recognized and appreciated. Glad for them, sad for me. It's stressful and grief-laden on several levels and my husband hung out with me all afternoon and evening just to lend some extra, much-needed love and support. I certainly am grateful for the companionship on a day like today.

Yesterday, completely unprompted, some friends and fellow vendors at market came to me and told me they wanted me to select a flowering plant (all so nice, large, and beautiful...where does one begin?) because they thought I really deserved a Mother's Day present. They knew enough about me to understand, and frankly, I shed a few tears when they made their wonderful offer. You know who you are, and you know I appreciate you.

Then when I returned home this afternoon, there were two lovely hanging baskets on the front doorstep. Neither hubs or I know from whence they appeared, or at least hubs isn't letting on. I'm very grateful, again, for the loving thought.

Why haven't I actively been seeking encouragement? Because it looks weak and needy, and stupid, and groveling. But I prayed, and my prayers were answered. Lord, I could use some more encouragement. Please, I'm not trying to be greedy here...but Mother's Day always saps the life and peace from my soul for a while.

Rants and raves

Raves: the middle school teachers at the school where I walk on the track most days. They are very encouraging of my walking habit. Even the kids get in the act--one of them high-fived me the other day. :-)

Rants: doing all the work for kiddo and seeing someone else who is undeserving get the credit today. Oh, well, I would do it anyway and I know that the important people, and God, know who really did the labor.

Wow

What a kid. We're feeling like pretty good ersatz parents right now. Kiddo just got their college entrance exam scores back--they decided to take the test as a sophomore.

Kiddo's score ranks them in the top 10% of all students of any age that took the test.

Pretty good for a kid that Metro said would never learn to read. (How I would enjoy thrusting these results in their faces about now.)

All the going without, worrying about the leaky roof (it's pouring outside right now, so that comes to mind), driving ancient cars, driving well over 100,000 miles by now, wearing crappy old clothes, etc., seems to be put into an excellent perspective about now.

Who the heck cares about all that crap. Kiddo is who's important, not the stuff. Their many attributes, including generosity, interest in spiritual things, wit, and helpfulness are a few of the many other attributes kiddo possesses. It's not all about the test.

But like I told the person at school, "well, kiddo's poor, and smart, so that oughta be worth some scholarship money." The person just grinned.

As did I.

I told kiddo "do you have a big cardboard box?" Kiddo said "why?" I told them that they'd need it soon, because a sophomore with that kind of score was going to get a lot of mailings from a lot of colleges, trying to vie for their attention. :-)

What the you-know-what am I paying for, anyway?

I haven't posted about education for a long time, probably because of my high frustration level both with our local public school district. I literally don't know any student who has actually graduated from any of the three high schools on our side of town.

If you know me you know that I am also very disappointed in the extremely lax education of kiddo's current private school. Kiddo calls their school "more like a day care" and unfortunately, they're right. Unless kiddo's mom does something, and God comes through, there isn't a whit I can do about that.

But that's not why I'm posting.

Kiddo's public school of zone had the students turn in all their textbooks at least five weeks before the end of the school year "for inventory." Might have been six weeks, I need to check.

What the heck are those kids doing for the last five weeks of school? If that's six weeks in actuality, that's almost 14% of the school year with no books.

I know at least a couple of the parents at the school are aghast, but I have no dog in the hunt so I can go ahead and call it what it deserves: a stupid action. Arrgh.

Excellent Recipe Site

Perhaps I am in the minority, but Food Network is not a place where I tune in 24/7. (They do have a lot o' recipes on their site, though.) We religiously watch "Ace of Cakes", but probably more because it is a lot about sculpture/art/creativity, and the cast of characters genuinely seem to enjoy one another as much as one can at work.

A favorite of mine is the loveable curmudgeon (okay, that's being nice) Anthony Bourdain. He usually tells it like it really is, and that's kind of cool. Not much of a cooking show, again, and not on Food Network, although they've been running his "A Cook's Tour" show again a fair amount. It's just like his "No Reservations" show on The Travel Channel, but without the scenes completely unrelated to food.

So where can one actually learn to cook something that they are likely to use in real life? America's Test Kitchen (Cook's Illustrated), my friends. You'll likely have to become a member of their site to get some of their recipes, but you'll actually use them. They test the recipes like whirling dervishes, developing what they consider to be the best of a number of options. Their show is on PBS. I figure I may as well get a little use out of my tax dollars. And plus, you don't even have to spring for cable to get some good cooking schoolin'.

Here are their oodles of recipes...a couple good ones you should try are butterflying a roast chicken, and the tamale skillet pie. They are useful and practical, and are designed around how people really cook.

So excuse me if I don't catch Giada today. ;-) My DVR is loaded up with episodes of the aforementioned shows...

Naivete'

Yep, I was naive. 'Thought we could hang on to our first year coach at Drake after he took a team of walkons and nobodies to a final ranking of #25 nationwide. Yeah, as if. You can't win that many coaching awards, including AP Coach of the Year, and stay at little old Drake. He bolted for a reported seven year contract at a cool mil per year. No way Drake has that kind of coin, and even if they had, I know that the emphasis wouldn't be on that kind of money or program.

So back to an assistant coach. Looks like the guy they hired out of ASU may be the Drake athletic director's old friend. Well, I will assume nothing, but it still hurts to see Keno go and so quickly. Money talks and you know what walks.

yay!

Much needed good news arrived. I had to have an MRI of an area where I had surgery a little over six months ago for the "highly suspicious of malignancy" area that ended up benign, praise God. Had never had an MRI before, and I have to say that it was the first time I felt like a "sickie". All that noise, and the IV, and all that.

About a week and a half later the dr's ofc called and the news was that there were "no worrisome areas", and that I don't have to have another MRI again for probably a year. I am quite relieved. Thank you, Lord, and all the groovy people who prayed for me. You know how sometimes you feel "prayed for"? Well, I certainly have.

stormy

I'm holding on to the railing of the ship, and the waves are rolling over me.

My muscles are stronger to hold on to the railing than they used to be.

I pray the waves stop for a while, so I can get my bearings again and continue to get stronger. Still have a long way to heal, but have made progress.

It's a lot of work grabbing onto the railing. What would happen if I let go? I don't want to think about that.

Would You just hold me here? I don't want to fall. I also don't want to trust just my own resources.

This (Rich!!!) is a special song about now. You might enjoy it.

Decadent and so easy, and always a huge hit

You'll be the star of the bake sale and the fondly anticipated neighbor who brings over a pan of treats if you use this recipe. How can a stick and a half of butter, a whole bunch of sugar, and plenty of chocolate do anything else?

One Bowl Brownies are just that: brownies you can make in a flash, using one bowl. These brownies do not skimp on the flavor. I vote for real butter on this one...you can still get it pretty cheaply at Aldi.

When the recipe says to bake in a foil lined pan, don't skip that step. It's important for a good finish. Also, be sure to check even after 25 minutes. It is particularly easy to overbake these.

At the web site you will find lots of variations on the one bowl recipe.

It's such an easy recipe, yet exceedingly popular. You'll look like you spent a lot more time than you actually did, and people will love them. Just so long as you don't over bake!!! Remember, they are WAY easy to overbake. I've said that too many times here, haven't I? ;-)

Enjoy.