It's been a helluva last 24 hours

Insanity. True insanity.

Can't post about it on a public blog other than to say "you have GOT to be kidding" mixed with "yep, I should have expected that outta them."

God's still got a plan in the midst of all this crap.

Truly overwhelming, to be honest. Almost three years of praying brings us to this stop in the mess. The good thing is that an unlikely person is saying "don't worry nashbabe, we will make it through all this crap, we will make it through." I'm impressed by their faith and so thankful for their encouragement. I have shed many tears in the last day, unfortunately.

The limbo it puts us in, or should I say KEEPS us in, is so grueling to live through. If it had to do with me, hey, I could bear it. But to see someone else suffer so much just cuts my heart in pieces.

In the midst of this, here in the interest of balance, I'll post stuff I like...

*the middle school teachers at the track where I work out...they continue to be encouraging and put up with me walking on the track as waves of middle schoolers alternate between running and sauntering around the track, talking about all kinds of interesting stuff...hmmm...

*my old, crappy looking car gets around 30 miles per gallon! Good thing since I am having to put $60 to $70 of gas in it each week at least. Ugh.

*might not put as many miles on the car in a few days when school is out.

*working out is working for me! I can feel that I am a little smaller, and I feel better. and my bottom bp number is usually in the 60s and sometimes the high 50s. Yee haw. that's kewl.

*I do feel better overall. the grief is doing a number on me, but physically and emotionally I am stronger. God is working on me through a lot of different avenues.

*I get the chance to bless others with encouragement. I have even received some encouragement myself...kind of a new development, and greatly needed right now.

This list of good stuff is perspective but also bravado, I suppose. The big thing isn't getting worked out. It STILL isn't getting worked out. My grief is deep. Can't give up now, although options are unclear. Lord, show us what to do and, equally important, what NOT to do. Amen.

So ya proud of me for not just whining? Trust me, it's a really good reason to whine. But at least I have a little perspective. It doesn't blot out the gut kick, but it helps anyhow.

Record my lament;
list my tears on your scroll~~
are they not in your record?
--from Psalm 56

Psalm 63
A psalm of David. When he was in the Desert of Judah.
1 O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.

3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.

4 I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.

5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

6 On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.

7 Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.

8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

9 They who seek my life will be destroyed;
they will go down to the depths of the earth.

10 They will be given over to the sword
and become food for jackals.

11 But the king will rejoice in God;
all who swear by God's name will praise him,
while the mouths of liars will be silenced.