As I have said before, I keep trying to tell God that I'm not worthy to handle this life. I guess He knows that. I am not worthy to share in His sufferings, but they're deep. This week I have learned about being bitterly betrayed; beyond what I ever imagined. And I thought I should be immune from that. Scripture talks about how we shouldn't expect to have it any easier than Jesus did...okay, I get it. Test over? No, I don't think so.

Hello Hurricane lyrics (by Switchfoot)

I've been watching the skies
They've been turning blood red
There is not a doubt in my mind
There's a storm up ahead

(Chorus)

Hello Hurricane
You're not enough
Hello Hurricane
You can't silence my love
I've got doors and windows boarded up
All your dead end fury is not enough
You can't silence my love

Everything I have I count as loss
Everything I have is stripped away
But before It started building
I counted up these costs
There's nothing left for you to take away

(Chorus)

Hello Hurricane
You're not enough
Hello Hurricane
You can't silence my love
I've got doors and windows boarded up
All your dead end fury is not enough
You can't silence my love

Im a fighter fighting for control
Im a fighter fighting for my soul
Everything inside of me surrenders
You can't silence my love
You can't silence my love

(Chorus)

Hello Hurricane
You're not enough
Hello Hurricane
You can't silence my love
I've got doors and windows boarded up
All your dead end fury is not enough
You can't silence my love

I said Hello Hurricane

these lyrics are submitted by Crazy Fan

Trees

I’m still not used to trees.

Mind you, I LIKE trees. But twenty-some years later, I still think of the glacier-scraped-flat-trees-only-planted-in-straight-lines of my early years. Not many trees on the plains, or hills, or much of anything. Stark, open, easy to see, austere. Driving as an adolescent was extremely easy…nothing to block my view!

When I moved to Nashville, the most striking thing to both hubs and myself was the vast number of trees. They were positively EVERYWHERE! And hills. Lots of hills. A wee bit claustrophobic, we were.

Nowadays I drive through areas filled with trees for hours and hours each day. Whether doing the school route to the high-rent (and, as a result, still heavily wooded) part of my city, or driving to Teleios when I can, trees are everywhere. And I’ve started to notice them.

In the spring, summer, and fall, they are lush. There’s little or no snow here, and a very long growing season compared to the should-I-get-air-conditioning of my home state.

Trees adorn the landscape, clean up the air, do a lot of great things. When they are laden with foliage, they cushion the visibility, blur the lines a bit, obscure some places.

It’s winter. All the leaves are long gone. And I can see a long, long way. In the rich part of town, I can see beautiful homes that were not visible the other three seasons. Animals (including deer that nearly collided with my vehicle) peek out of the branches. In a snowstorm or visitation of ice (not an everyday occurrence around here in winter), they are especially striking.

Teleios is on top of a mountain, but isn’t far from some “hollows”, where often folks live in old homes, some in disrepair. The other three seasons, things look fairly normal. When the leaves drop, the piles of hoarded junk and dead cars can become painfully obvious.

In both cases, there’s a whole lot more than meets the eye, for good or ill.

In the last year or so, many of us have seen the leaves of our “trees” dry up and blow away. I know of many who currently seek jobs, or try to get things back to “normal” (whatever that is) after an extended period of unemployment that has recently ended, or see their retirement savings dwindling and have decided to go back to work. It’s particularly stark out in the forest of each of our existence these days. Even if we ourselves are moving along with little adjustment needed (are those folks even out there now?), we all know others who are dealing with lives that have lost a lot of their “greenery” and are struggling mightily.

An ancient story speaks of a really great guy who totally had it made…rich, great family, strong spiritual life, you name it. Justifiably, the question was asked: is he the wonderful, spiritual person he is just because his forest is in all its glory? Not surprisingly, the guy’s forest eventually dropped the leaves. ALL of them. He went through hell right here on earth. All the stuff he had, and all his kids, were dead and gone.

In the starkness of that experience the guy learned what he really had, and embraced it fully. Eventually his forest sprouted leaves again, after he had learned hard yet extremely valuable lessons.

The starkness of “winter” in my life has taught me a great deal. I learned how much more I had than I thought. The losses hurt deeply, but made strong, downright “wealthy” areas of life more visible. I had things to celebrate that I didn’t consider fully till the leaves dropped. Additionally, there were piles of “junk” that became more visible amongst the empty branches. As I work on getting them cleared out, I have a sneaking suspicion I’m getting a wee bit stronger. Or maybe a lot.

Here’s hoping there are great things for each of us in the middle of the bleak, austere forest, and that we can help each other out along the trail.

Several Interesting Blogs...

I used to work with Barb and I had no idea she was such a writer. Hey, back in the dark ages, when we both worked at a record company here in Nashvegas, she was a radio promoter--so who knew? But suffering has a way of making a person either really bitter or really thoughtful, and she has chosen the latter. Worth a look!

Also, here's a couple canning blogs I really like...



Put Up or Shut Up (cute name, eh?)



Food in Jars

God's opinion of me

It has been said that God never gives us more than we can handle.

If that is so, I think God has entirely too high an opinion of us.

The contract was cancelled. Nine other folks are losing their opportunities as well. The manager that extended the offer is losing their job as well because of the cancellation of the project.

We really needed this job.

Spare Oom, I will miss you as well. It seemed like such a perfect match, and for whatever reason it didn't end up happening.

I'm way past oozing platitudes at this point. However, there must be something better for us out there. I hope God makes it plain, and doesn't wait any longer than is absolutely necessary.

Lord, please glorify Yourself during this dark time, and give us joy somehow. Help us be good representatives of You and give us the provision we desperately need. Thank you.

Spare Oom

This is what we decided to call the place where hubs will be hanging out while working out of town. If you're a C.S. Lewis fan, then you know of what we speak.

It's a blessing from God, that is all we can say.

Relief

Have you ever noticed that things have to get really really bad before God steps in? Hubs and I were really low and with no real options for things to improve markedly, and then last Thursday a huge need (namely, a job for hubs) was worked out. They interviewed him first and cancelled the other interviews. Lots more news about this later.

The sermon mentioned suffering in great detail, Hebrews 12 being the text. Fortunately the preacher du jour very emphatically reminded that suffering is not necessarily about a sin we've committed. Surely I knew that already, you ask? Well, so do you, but when three years of h e double hockey sticks have been beating on a person, perspective and truth tend to become obscured.

America is all about comfort and moving up. Pretty much EVERYONE, save the homeless perhaps, lives better than a great many countries. God isn't about that. He is about loving me and conforming me to his image. He doesn't value the stuff the advertisers (and your friends) tout. There's a much bigger, and way more satisfying, God-thing going on. I think we're seeing some glimpses of that. Maybe this time has been more like training and healing intensives. That's what it appears.

Please don't stop praying for us, and we'll do the same for you! You can always send me a PM with specifics we can pray for, if you are shy like me.

New challenges, and they will probably be challenging, but I am glad for them and also very relieved.

Hope, no longer deferred?

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

All who rage against you
will surely be ashamed and disgraced;
those who oppose you
will be as nothing and perish.

Though you search for your enemies,
you will not find them.
Those who wage war against you
will be as nothing at all.

For I am the LORD, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.

----

'You're my servant, serving on my side.
I've picked you. I haven't dropped you.'
Don't panic. I'm with you.
There's no need to fear for I'm your God.
I'll give you strength. I'll help you.
I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.

Count on it: Everyone who had it in for you
will end up out in the cold—
real losers.
Those who worked against you
will end up empty-handed—
nothing to show for their lives.
When you go out looking for your old adversaries
you won't find them—
Not a trace of your old enemies,
not even a memory.
That's right. Because I, your God,
have a firm grip on you and I'm not letting go.
I'm telling you, 'Don't panic.
I'm right here to help you.'


--from Isaiah 41 (NIV, and The Message)

Grateful

1. I feel better.

2. Hubs feels better. He didn't share in my pneumonia bliss, ;-) , but enjoyed asthmatic bronchitis instead. ;-)

3. Found some new cheap recipes, and unearthed some old ones. We all need to save money, so I'll add them here posthaste.

4. Working on a strip quilt. Fortunately for everyone, this has nothing to do with one's state of undress while making it. ;-)

5. Catching up on making product for market and various accounts. So grateful for the orders right now.

6. Merging with the other church has worked out fairly well. Other than concern for losing our identity (which I will fight tooth and nail), there's only one major problem. Well, that is a major problem, but surely I can trust God to take care of things, either fixing it or fixing me. ;-)

7. At least two of our cars still work.

8. More hope for ongoing provision in the last couple of weeks. We'll see where it all lands. It's quite the roller coaster at present. With the economy the way it is, you gotta do what you gotta do.

9. Feline therapy. I am a believer in my three pet therapists. They do a great job. Who needs Diovan when you have three lap kitties?

10. It is lonely, but I have been deliberate about reaching out to friends. It's funny how few of them are church related. But the fact remains: I know I have friends now, and they know I care for them in return. Actual relationships where I am not the one doing all the giving and encouraging! That's a good change.

11. Perspective. I have some more to say about that, but not till I take the photo I want to accompany the thought.

12. Lots more, I am sure. There are really stressful and difficult times upon us. More stress than probably ever before. But I do feel loved, and cared about, and blessed nonetheless.

It's obvious, I will have to admit it (darn! I have to admit my stinky lack of faith!)

Okay, I have to admit God answered my prayer on this one. I don't wanna (sounds whiny, eh?), but yep, it did happen. As blatant as the nose on my face, it was.

About a week ago I whispered to God, "Please, pretty please, could I find some way to go to the Saint Olaf Choir concert?"

If you don't know of this ensemble, what rock do you sleep under? Seriously, in my completely non-biased Minnesota-native opinion, they are the greatest college choir in America.

And they won't be back in Nashvegas for another five years.

But I really couldn't justify it. Times are tough and cash is extremely strapped in the nashbabe/nashdude domicile.

So I just assumed like always that God would say "no". He has on a lot of other things I wanted, and even some stuff that I really thought I need (a roof! a roof! are you listening to me, Lord?--I swear, how does He put up with me?).

But I kept asking. And I'm totally stretching that passage of scripture. This isn't exactly justice against my adversary, unless you count a little peace and refreshment in the face of that dirtbag Satan's relentless poundings on our family. But humor me, will ya? (I'm even worse than that. I used to quote that passage to the sales reps who worked for me...rofl.) No vacations, no rest, no money. Worn down to my last nub.

Well, hadn't seen any action on the request either way, so I kept asking. Like a whiny child? I hope not, but it probably bordered on that.

Yesterday I went to one of my accounts to restock, and the fabulous Meg! introduced me to someone who has a shop in another part of town--one where I've really needed a good retailer to stock my stuff, and lauded how it sold for her. The fabulous Meg!'s friend said she was quite interested. Hoo rah.

So a possible new account in the dead of January? No way. No possible way. Even the fact that the fabulous Meg! needed product was a big surprise. As a chandler, I usually sell SQUAT in January. Actually, I have ALWAYS sold SQUAT.

Then when I returned home from seeing all things Meg!, there was a very sizeable order in my inbox from another of my retailers. Didn't have to buy a thing to fill it; have all the materials already.

I mean, an order I would NEVER see in Jan or Feb. EVER.

Not to mention that the retail climate is WAY below what it would usually be. So there was no chance of this happening, right? Yeah, pretty much.

So I decided that God must probably be saying, "See? ANYTHING is possible. I know you're worn out from the hell of the last couple years, but here's a little gimme for ya. Enjoy."

Thanks for letting me know you ARE listening and working out things for my good. Please don't delay on the big stuff, okay? Please? And thanks.

I'm digging this blog...

...because this is a lot about me, although I don't officially have kids.

I wanna meet this chick. Heck, she lives around these parts, shouldn't be hard.

Maybe someday. Ya never know!

Anyway, saunter over there and enjoy yourself. I demand it.

Over the edge...

The story of Jonah has been resonating with me lately, but perhaps in a contrarian approach. Whether this can be part of its intended meaning or not is up for debate; yet the message still stands.

If you recall, Jonah went the opposite way the Lord told him to travel, having no desire to preach to the people of Nineveh. He hopped on a ship that was headed in an entirely different direction. When he did, that vessel had nothing but trouble, and was about to be shipwrecked when he announced, in so many words, "Hey, it's me that is the problem. Get rid of me, and things will calm down for you and you will survive the storm."

So they threw Jonah overboard.

The Jonah side of the story is easily understood; go the way God wants or there can and probably will be significant problems and even destruction ahead.

But just for today I'm thinking about the other side of this equation. Has there been, or is there now, something or someone in my life that should very likely be "thrown over the edge" so I can experience a smoother sail? Not that peaceful seas are necessarily what God plans for us, or at least lets us go through in order that the truth and peace and lesson may be given.

I threw "Jonah" overboard.

It felt, and feels, more peaceful.

As to whether this choice will bless me, or change the turmoil we have had ever since "Jonah" was on board (quite coincidentally, perhaps?), I do not know.

But it was the right choice.

Another church bites the dust.

Our church has closed its doors as of Sunday. Well, we didn't have any doors of our own, which was okay with me, but that was the date of our last service. We are merging with another church, which is more like saying that some of the members will be going together to another church.

The closing was inevitable. The church was in a part of town that is now quite international, both legal and illegal, if you catch my drift. Contrast that with our (mostly) whiteness, which wouldn't be a draw for them. The biggest church in the area had dwindled down to around a hundred members, closed its school, and sold its large church building to a spanish-speaking Catholic congregation. The remnant of those left from that church moved south to try to regroup.

My impression is that the church that is absorbing our church, so to speak, was essentially looking for another pastor and an improved worship band (I'm biased, but our is considerably better than theirs, and hey, I was in the music biz for more than a few years, so that's my "professional" - ha - opinion).

My analogy for this transition is that of an arranged marriage. The two groups of elders decided this would be good, but they didn't even bother coming over to spend an entire service with us...not once. A number of people at our church are enthusiastic, and I will not rain on their parade. They talk about us all being in the body of Christ. My answer is, in a group of ten Christian guys, they would not all be equally good mates for me.

They're a lot more conservative than us. The more conservative members of our church will welcome that, and I'm glad they will find a home. They also have a number of buildings, which has been important to a number of our members. I think buildings are vastly overrated, but I would agree that this church uses theirs more than most.

There's a lot of stress in our lives and this doesn't reduce it, but we will still have the chance to see our friends, at least for a while. We think of them as being our family. Some friends won't join us at this church, and that seems like the right decision for them.

My experience with churches that say they want to reach out and have more members is that they seem to generally want just more people like themselves.

I don't want to be assimilated into this way of thinking and acting, but I also don't want to fight the battles with even gently convincing others that we do not have to all be the same.

I still want people to be comfortable with wearing shorts and sandals to church, to have meaningful community, to stretch boundaries of worship and service, and maybe to have some church people reach out to us which hasn't happened a lot even at our present church.

Yes, I will keep my eyes open to look for positive signs, because I know that God can bring them. But I'm looking for other options. I can't wait for spiritual sustenance, and can't fight the battles of being different and not wanting to be merely turned into a conformist to their culture.

So I'll have the interesting journey of looking for some other spiritual sustenance. I've been through this before, when a church we attended in another state had a significant problem, and we decided we needed to stay and help minister to people, but we attended another church Sunday evenings to get some spiritual food.

This isn't the first church closing we've dealt with. But the last one involved questionable activities on the part of the pastor, so it is nice that we aren't dealing with that this time.

God has something planned! Will be interesting to see what it is.

If you are a praying person

Please pray for us. We are, indeed, grateful. God will prevail! He surely does take His sweet time, however...life's dragging on the bottom right now with wave after wave of bad news.

We continue to practice "On The Other Hands". Even told kiddo about them, and now they remind me of them with regularity. If a sixteen year old tells you they like your idea, as a 40-something you come close to fainting.

At any rate, things are really rough for the nashbabe and nashdude, but God has always taken care of us before, so why would He stop now? That's what I keep trying to tell myself. Sometimes, truly, it does seem like an attempt at brainwashing, but a renewed (i.e., "washed") brain ain't all bad if it's good and true stuff, eh? Yeah, yeah, I know. My feelings are all stressed, pained, frustration, fear, etc. But feelings aren't necessarily the truth. There I go telling myself that again.

I believe, help my unbelief. If God wanted me at the end of my schemes, my plans, my ideas, my attempts to control, BINGO! TARGET ACHIEVED!!!!

Thanks, I really appreciate you!!!

A word of thanks.

When I started blogging a year-ish ago, I didn't realize where it would go; of course, does anyone? Yesterday I spoke with someone from a considerable distance away who let me know that they read my blog from time to time. I had no idea.

Thanks to any and all who stop by here now and then. I'll try to make it at least somewhat interesting or applicable. Speaking of useful/applicable, I have a plan to do that in a specific way. More about that soon.

Again, thanks.

Might just be Psalm 90.

Another blessing, a nice-sized one. This one took a whopping hour to happen ;-) after I stuck my neck out a wee bit. After all these things happening, I am thinking that the tail end of Psalm 90 just might apply...God's certainly drawing a lot of attention to Himself in a good way, and as our friend James says (not the book of the Bible, our friend!), we are "bragging on God."

Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,
for as many years as we have seen trouble.

May your deeds be shown to your servants,
your splendor to their children.

May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for us—
yes, establish the work of our hands.

An overnight sensation.

People in this town, to swoop into huge generalization mode, are either natives (not that many) or people with a plan. They're here to be discovered. And a whole lot of them don't deserve to be, or won't work hard enough, or don't have the right look (yep, it does come down to that), or their skin isn't thick enough, they aren't unique enough, they're too unique and can't easily be categorized, etc.

Hey, I have to count myself among those who moved here with a plan. Actually, I visited Schmoozic City five years before I actually moved here. My goal was to become a record executive type. Yep, I did it. And now it's in my rear view mirror, off to a different calling.

The other day we met a musician in our neighborhood. An actual working musician. They call this city "Music City" on purpose, but a recent statistic stated that we have the most working musicians of any city in America--yep, more than New York or the city of angels. This, however, is deceptive...if I recall correctly, the survey said that this meant .6 of a percentage in this town actually made their living being a musician.

Which brings me to Keith Urban.

That guy played gigs in this town for eons, with some local following, but no major impact. He even signed with a good sized label, but no major impact there. He moved here sixteen years ago, and for most of that time labored in obscurity.

All of a sudden, it seemed, things exploded for him. And now Mr. Nicole Kidman is a superstar, and still hangs out in local venues because that's how we are in Music City--virtually paparazzi free, and not swarmed by residents. We treat famous people like that almost universally, so when Keith and Nicole want to go out to Bread and Company, or go see a movie, or go to Bed Bath and Beyond, we leave them the heck alone. I know when I saw Ronnie Dunn at kiddo's cross country meets, or sat next to Darrell Waltrip at one of kiddo's soccer games, I left them the heck alone...and so did everyone else.

But the bottom line was, Keith labored for a long, long time without anyone noticing to speak of. Yeah, he was cute back then too...so that's not it. Perhaps he made it partially because he was like us: TSTQ. That's our acronym around here: depending on the day we call it "Too Stubborn To Quit" or "Too Stupid to Quit."

That's certainly part of how hubs and I have stayed together twenty five years, at least some segment of it. Although I have to say--how could ANYONE stay together without God? That puzzles me, frankly...

So to the story at hand. Last Monday was a horrifically despairing day. We didn't see any way to get from the crises that had lingered like bad odors, some for many months, and no way out. Then in the span of thirty-six hours last Tuesday and Wednesday, we had five important positive things happened that gave us great hope, comfort, and provision. All after striving for a couple of years on some of it.

I had pleaded to God to show me what to do next, actually yelled at Him, knowing from the Psalms that He can take it. That was cathartic in a way, but still no word. Then all of a sudden...wow. Hubs and I could see the effort that we had been putting in for so long come together, in a great relief. I can see this being the time of blessing that equals the time of suffering that the writer in Psalm 90 talks about. So grateful, thankful, joyous...can't begin to put words to it that truly describe the place we reside right now.

Hey, we can't sing like Keith Urban, but we know what "overnight success" feels like. God has very interesting timing, and does quite an admirable job showing that it is indeed God's work. At the same time, waiting for resolution/blessing/provision to rain down on one's head without doing the work one can do and needs to do is a pretty much pointless activity (or lack thereof).

If you've been praying for us, we are truly grateful. Thanks.

The last twenty four hours...

...have been a great encouragement. A couple of things we have labored over for months, one for over a year, have started to show signs of life and positive motion. Perhaps remembering the psalm about continuing to sow seed despite many tears of despair has been the great comfort and encouragement we needed. God is at work, which I knew intellectually but not in the deep core of my being. My heart's getting some much needed encouragement today and I am so grateful.

Perhaps this is a good moment to share something I wrote the other day before this all happened.

The rain, whether from the sky or from my eyes, almost always happens on a dark and gloomy day. If my heart is like receptive soil, and not hardened, I can receive something helpful and nurturing from the rain, rather than having it roll off without benefit. I can actually grow and not just be eroded and swept away.

Sow on, sow on...

It seemed like a dream, too good to be true, when God returned Zion's exiles.
We laughed, we sang,
we couldn't believe our good fortune.
We were the talk of the nations—
"God was wonderful to them!"
God was wonderful to us;
we are one happy people.

And now, God, do it again—
bring rains to our drought-stricken lives
So those who planted their crops in despair
will shout hurrahs at the harvest,
So those who went off with heavy hearts
will come home laughing, with armloads of blessing.

Psalm 126 ("The Message" -- Eugene Peterson)

Never despair, but if you do, work on in despair. -- Edmund Burke

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. -- from the book of Galatians

Defeat


Defeat, my Defeat,
my solitude and my aloofness.
You are dearer to me
than a thousand triumphs,
and sweeter to my heart
than all world glory.

Defeat, my Defeat,
my self-knowledge and my defiance.
Through you I know that
I am yet young and swift of foot
and not to be trapped
by withering laurels.
And in you
I have found aloneness
and the joy of
being shunned and scorned.

Defeat, my Defeat,
my shining sword and shield.
In your eyes I have read
that to be enthroned
is to be enslaved,
and to be understood
is to be levelled down,
and to be grasped
is but to reach one's fullness
and like a ripe fruit
to fall and be consumed.

Defeat, my Defeat,
my bold companion,
you shall hear my songs
and my cries and my silences,
and none but you shall speak to me
of the beating of wings,
and urging of seas,
and of mountains
that burn in the night,
and you alone shall climb
my steep and rocky soul.

Defeat, my Defeat,
my deathless courage,
you and I shall laugh together
with the storm,
and together we shall dig graves
for all that die in us,
and we shall stand
in the sun with a will,
and we shall be dangerous.

"Madman" 1918 --Kahlil Gibran


I'll make up for the years of the locust,
the great locust devastation—
Locusts savage, locusts deadly,
fierce locusts, locusts of doom,
That great locust invasion
I sent your way.
You'll eat your fill of good food.
You'll be full of praises to your God,
The God who has set you back on your heels in wonder.
Never again will my people be despised.
You'll know without question
that I'm in the thick of life with Israel,
That I'm your God, yes, your God,
the one and only real God.
Never again will my people be despised.

from the book of Joel ("The Message" -- Eugene Peterson)

Haven't I been quoting that last one a whole lot, God? I don't understand, but I'll do my best to keep sowing. If something grows, that would really help me keep flinging the seed. Thanks.

The last straw.

After a night of watching kiddo and hubs bowl in their league (a silly, strangely out of place activity that has become kind of a "family" bonding experience despite its low level of intellectual pursuit--and we're a "family" of sorts, aren't we?), I went outside to the car and realized that someone had stolen the logo off the trunk. It was pretty obvious, a trio of finger marks in the light layer of dust surrounding where the logo had been.

Good grief, people, it's an early 90's Honda. How could that be something worth stealing?

I'm sure they thought it wasn't that big of a deal, didn't even think of the ramifications for me. But the main thing was that it was the last straw. I was already stressed, angry, searching for answers, continually trying to put all the junk back in God's hands where it belongs. But this could have just pushed me over the edge.

Later, I thought about the small hurtful, insensitive, or possibly injurious things I have likely done, really without regard for others. It didn't seem like much at the time, but for all I know it could have been the straw that broke the camel's back, as it were. I do tend to walk on eggshells because of my family history, but we all veer toward Self-Centered Land, and it gave me pause. At least by this stupid situation I was reminded to go as gently as I can into the world and be as helpful and complimentary as I can.

And by the way, the fabulous nashbabe (that would be me) ventured to the auto parts store all by her lonesome, picked out the needed products to fix and reasonably seal/paint the affected area, and am finishing the repair later today. Won't be perfect, but it will be reasonably mended, and I'm fairly certain that rain water won't leak into the trunk as it would if I just ignored the problem.

So that's not all bad.

Prayer of Thomas Merton

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.