It's been a helluva last 24 hours

Insanity. True insanity.

Can't post about it on a public blog other than to say "you have GOT to be kidding" mixed with "yep, I should have expected that outta them."

God's still got a plan in the midst of all this crap.

Truly overwhelming, to be honest. Almost three years of praying brings us to this stop in the mess. The good thing is that an unlikely person is saying "don't worry nashbabe, we will make it through all this crap, we will make it through." I'm impressed by their faith and so thankful for their encouragement. I have shed many tears in the last day, unfortunately.

The limbo it puts us in, or should I say KEEPS us in, is so grueling to live through. If it had to do with me, hey, I could bear it. But to see someone else suffer so much just cuts my heart in pieces.

In the midst of this, here in the interest of balance, I'll post stuff I like...

*the middle school teachers at the track where I work out...they continue to be encouraging and put up with me walking on the track as waves of middle schoolers alternate between running and sauntering around the track, talking about all kinds of interesting stuff...hmmm...

*my old, crappy looking car gets around 30 miles per gallon! Good thing since I am having to put $60 to $70 of gas in it each week at least. Ugh.

*might not put as many miles on the car in a few days when school is out.

*working out is working for me! I can feel that I am a little smaller, and I feel better. and my bottom bp number is usually in the 60s and sometimes the high 50s. Yee haw. that's kewl.

*I do feel better overall. the grief is doing a number on me, but physically and emotionally I am stronger. God is working on me through a lot of different avenues.

*I get the chance to bless others with encouragement. I have even received some encouragement myself...kind of a new development, and greatly needed right now.

This list of good stuff is perspective but also bravado, I suppose. The big thing isn't getting worked out. It STILL isn't getting worked out. My grief is deep. Can't give up now, although options are unclear. Lord, show us what to do and, equally important, what NOT to do. Amen.

So ya proud of me for not just whining? Trust me, it's a really good reason to whine. But at least I have a little perspective. It doesn't blot out the gut kick, but it helps anyhow.

Record my lament;
list my tears on your scroll~~
are they not in your record?
--from Psalm 56

Psalm 63
A psalm of David. When he was in the Desert of Judah.
1 O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.

3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.

4 I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.

5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

6 On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.

7 Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.

8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

9 They who seek my life will be destroyed;
they will go down to the depths of the earth.

10 They will be given over to the sword
and become food for jackals.

11 But the king will rejoice in God;
all who swear by God's name will praise him,
while the mouths of liars will be silenced.

Rollercoaster has ended up on another good note

So my hubs said, "You need to get that checked out at the doctor."

I'm like...hey dude, I just had an MRI...back off.

He doesn't let up.

So I go to the nurse practitioner at the doc's ofc, just to get him off my back.

She says "your husband has good assessment skills, I want the surgeon to look at this."

Crap. Now I have to admit my husband was right, and I was wrong. We can't let that happen, eh?

After most of a couple days at the doc and having tests, I am once again on the good side of this all. Just precautionary. All is well.

But I still have to admit hubs was right. Yikes. ;-)

Way past time for a MJF giveaway...

Okay, all you Mary Jane's Farm farmgirls...(and if you're not one, why haven't you headed over there yet?) ;-)

It's time to return the favor. We've gone through a tough, stressful time, and continue to do so, and your kindnesses, giveaways, aprons, and lots of attagirls have helped me along the way.

So it's time for my FIRST giveaway. Yep, there's more stuff to give away and it will be on tap probably next month.

First up...from my MIL's stash, for bakers or those who want to be, a lovely cookbook called "A Loaf of Bread". Even if you don't bake, you'll probably like the beautiful pictures and load of different bread recipes. Everything from bread machines, to old-time bread making, to breads of various countries, to flatbreads, focaccias, and everything inbetween is found within.

Also, a very lovely, never used, "Bavaria" bundt pan from those fabulous Scandinavians at Nordicware. This in and of itself is quite a lovely giveaway.

Hey, even if you don't bake and don't want to, these would be fabulous gifts for someone you know that does.

I will ship these probably a slow method because of the weight. The wait should be well worth it. :-)

Just leave a comment in this post, and I will either number all the posts and draw from a hat, or if the lovely Bonne will help me find the random number generator on the internet (perhaps a Google search first is in order...;-) ) I will use that.

Giveaway drawing will be end of the day May 30th. So be there or be square. Good luck all! :-)

This is a day that I'm always glad when it's over.

Mother's Day. Yikes. Not my favorite day. I prayed that somehow God would send some encouragement my way this weekend. Mother's Day always falls on a Sunday, so I have to watch the moms get recognized and appreciated. Glad for them, sad for me. It's stressful and grief-laden on several levels and my husband hung out with me all afternoon and evening just to lend some extra, much-needed love and support. I certainly am grateful for the companionship on a day like today.

Yesterday, completely unprompted, some friends and fellow vendors at market came to me and told me they wanted me to select a flowering plant (all so nice, large, and beautiful...where does one begin?) because they thought I really deserved a Mother's Day present. They knew enough about me to understand, and frankly, I shed a few tears when they made their wonderful offer. You know who you are, and you know I appreciate you.

Then when I returned home this afternoon, there were two lovely hanging baskets on the front doorstep. Neither hubs or I know from whence they appeared, or at least hubs isn't letting on. I'm very grateful, again, for the loving thought.

Why haven't I actively been seeking encouragement? Because it looks weak and needy, and stupid, and groveling. But I prayed, and my prayers were answered. Lord, I could use some more encouragement. Please, I'm not trying to be greedy here...but Mother's Day always saps the life and peace from my soul for a while.

Rants and raves

Raves: the middle school teachers at the school where I walk on the track most days. They are very encouraging of my walking habit. Even the kids get in the act--one of them high-fived me the other day. :-)

Rants: doing all the work for kiddo and seeing someone else who is undeserving get the credit today. Oh, well, I would do it anyway and I know that the important people, and God, know who really did the labor.

Wow

What a kid. We're feeling like pretty good ersatz parents right now. Kiddo just got their college entrance exam scores back--they decided to take the test as a sophomore.

Kiddo's score ranks them in the top 10% of all students of any age that took the test.

Pretty good for a kid that Metro said would never learn to read. (How I would enjoy thrusting these results in their faces about now.)

All the going without, worrying about the leaky roof (it's pouring outside right now, so that comes to mind), driving ancient cars, driving well over 100,000 miles by now, wearing crappy old clothes, etc., seems to be put into an excellent perspective about now.

Who the heck cares about all that crap. Kiddo is who's important, not the stuff. Their many attributes, including generosity, interest in spiritual things, wit, and helpfulness are a few of the many other attributes kiddo possesses. It's not all about the test.

But like I told the person at school, "well, kiddo's poor, and smart, so that oughta be worth some scholarship money." The person just grinned.

As did I.

I told kiddo "do you have a big cardboard box?" Kiddo said "why?" I told them that they'd need it soon, because a sophomore with that kind of score was going to get a lot of mailings from a lot of colleges, trying to vie for their attention. :-)

What the you-know-what am I paying for, anyway?

I haven't posted about education for a long time, probably because of my high frustration level both with our local public school district. I literally don't know any student who has actually graduated from any of the three high schools on our side of town.

If you know me you know that I am also very disappointed in the extremely lax education of kiddo's current private school. Kiddo calls their school "more like a day care" and unfortunately, they're right. Unless kiddo's mom does something, and God comes through, there isn't a whit I can do about that.

But that's not why I'm posting.

Kiddo's public school of zone had the students turn in all their textbooks at least five weeks before the end of the school year "for inventory." Might have been six weeks, I need to check.

What the heck are those kids doing for the last five weeks of school? If that's six weeks in actuality, that's almost 14% of the school year with no books.

I know at least a couple of the parents at the school are aghast, but I have no dog in the hunt so I can go ahead and call it what it deserves: a stupid action. Arrgh.

Excellent Recipe Site

Perhaps I am in the minority, but Food Network is not a place where I tune in 24/7. (They do have a lot o' recipes on their site, though.) We religiously watch "Ace of Cakes", but probably more because it is a lot about sculpture/art/creativity, and the cast of characters genuinely seem to enjoy one another as much as one can at work.

A favorite of mine is the loveable curmudgeon (okay, that's being nice) Anthony Bourdain. He usually tells it like it really is, and that's kind of cool. Not much of a cooking show, again, and not on Food Network, although they've been running his "A Cook's Tour" show again a fair amount. It's just like his "No Reservations" show on The Travel Channel, but without the scenes completely unrelated to food.

So where can one actually learn to cook something that they are likely to use in real life? America's Test Kitchen (Cook's Illustrated), my friends. You'll likely have to become a member of their site to get some of their recipes, but you'll actually use them. They test the recipes like whirling dervishes, developing what they consider to be the best of a number of options. Their show is on PBS. I figure I may as well get a little use out of my tax dollars. And plus, you don't even have to spring for cable to get some good cooking schoolin'.

Here are their oodles of recipes...a couple good ones you should try are butterflying a roast chicken, and the tamale skillet pie. They are useful and practical, and are designed around how people really cook.

So excuse me if I don't catch Giada today. ;-) My DVR is loaded up with episodes of the aforementioned shows...

Naivete'

Yep, I was naive. 'Thought we could hang on to our first year coach at Drake after he took a team of walkons and nobodies to a final ranking of #25 nationwide. Yeah, as if. You can't win that many coaching awards, including AP Coach of the Year, and stay at little old Drake. He bolted for a reported seven year contract at a cool mil per year. No way Drake has that kind of coin, and even if they had, I know that the emphasis wouldn't be on that kind of money or program.

So back to an assistant coach. Looks like the guy they hired out of ASU may be the Drake athletic director's old friend. Well, I will assume nothing, but it still hurts to see Keno go and so quickly. Money talks and you know what walks.

yay!

Much needed good news arrived. I had to have an MRI of an area where I had surgery a little over six months ago for the "highly suspicious of malignancy" area that ended up benign, praise God. Had never had an MRI before, and I have to say that it was the first time I felt like a "sickie". All that noise, and the IV, and all that.

About a week and a half later the dr's ofc called and the news was that there were "no worrisome areas", and that I don't have to have another MRI again for probably a year. I am quite relieved. Thank you, Lord, and all the groovy people who prayed for me. You know how sometimes you feel "prayed for"? Well, I certainly have.

stormy

I'm holding on to the railing of the ship, and the waves are rolling over me.

My muscles are stronger to hold on to the railing than they used to be.

I pray the waves stop for a while, so I can get my bearings again and continue to get stronger. Still have a long way to heal, but have made progress.

It's a lot of work grabbing onto the railing. What would happen if I let go? I don't want to think about that.

Would You just hold me here? I don't want to fall. I also don't want to trust just my own resources.

This (Rich!!!) is a special song about now. You might enjoy it.

Decadent and so easy, and always a huge hit

You'll be the star of the bake sale and the fondly anticipated neighbor who brings over a pan of treats if you use this recipe. How can a stick and a half of butter, a whole bunch of sugar, and plenty of chocolate do anything else?

One Bowl Brownies are just that: brownies you can make in a flash, using one bowl. These brownies do not skimp on the flavor. I vote for real butter on this one...you can still get it pretty cheaply at Aldi.

When the recipe says to bake in a foil lined pan, don't skip that step. It's important for a good finish. Also, be sure to check even after 25 minutes. It is particularly easy to overbake these.

At the web site you will find lots of variations on the one bowl recipe.

It's such an easy recipe, yet exceedingly popular. You'll look like you spent a lot more time than you actually did, and people will love them. Just so long as you don't over bake!!! Remember, they are WAY easy to overbake. I've said that too many times here, haven't I? ;-)

Enjoy.