It would seem that deja vu is here again

Haven't I already said that it was rough, really rough, and seemingly getting rougher? Yet, here I am again saying it's getting even rougher. Will it ever get any better? I am trying to have hope.

I am so grateful for all the people who are helping us, sending notes of comfort, strengthening us. It is very hard right now, but imagine how hard it would be if they were not here lifting us up?

Also, I don't even want to think of where I would be right now if I wasn't walking and walking and walking some more. I am walking 45-60 minutes a day, four-six times a week. Yeah, pudgy Clydesdale nashbabe is doing that. Hard to believe. Never thought I could do this, but I am. Now I can't imagine not doing it. Frankly, I need it. It IS changing my life, I have to admit. Now I hope that in all this chaos, I won't be forced to give it up. I need some protection, Lord, and deep inside I know you are protecting me, but frankly, I feel pretty vulnerable right now to the storms. Hurricane Dolly ain't got nothin' on them, unfortunately.

A difficult part of all this is that I'm trying to hold my hubs up through this madness, really by necessity, but I can't really hold myself up. Really stinks to both be going through such difficulty. I am so tired of saying this. I thought things were going to calm down, and I know pretty much every friend in the book has to be tired of nashbabe and hubs' problems. I know I am. I feel stupid for having these problems, but in my more rational moments I know that they are largely if not exclusively outside stressors being dumped on us.

There are four, no, five things weighing down heavily on us. Any one of them would be considered a difficult, crisis type situation on their own. All of them together is madness.

The good part is I am stronger now than last year, in order to deal with them. It does seem like the problems haven't abated much in the past year in particular, and seem to be worsening. I'm grateful that I have some stress management in place now that I haven't had before. Growing up with nearly constant abuse gives a person weird ideas...like they deserved it, like there is no possible situation where one should attend to one's needs. After all, you are crap, and the abuser will remind you of that on a regular basis, even after you have severed contact. At least I'm learning to care for myself. Lord, I hope I do it for the right reasons, and not just to be strong enough to care for others.

I'm reading Psalm 42 a lot, too. Lord, please help me through this. I don't even know how I'm still standing. Surely it's time for a break from this heavy, depressing stuff. Please. I'm begging you. But even if it can't change, please stay really close to me and help me right now. Thank you, amen.

Enough musing, praying, and crying for tonight. Off to make every attempt to get some rest.

Quote o' the day

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight where everything remains seemingly unchanged, and it is in such twilight that we must be aware of change in the air, however slight, lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

- - Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas

One of the best shows you probably haven't yet discovered.

Mad Men.

It's a must-see.

Admittedly, it is not for kids or teens in my book, but it is richly scripted, impeccably cast, intriguingly staged, and utterly fascinating. There, I said it.

I've watched it since its inception and watched my DVR copies again and again. Every time it's been worth a second look, and then some.

Now that it has received 16 Emmy nominations, I recommend you give it a look-see. Watch the first season in its entirety and I think you'll be sucked into the vortex just like little old nashbabe. But watch 'em all, and see the drama enfold. Only one or two might not do it, but the whole enchilada probably will.

Basil Jelly

A friend posted this in another area of cyberspace. Since I'm surrounded by fresh herbs each week at the farmers' market, I have no excuse not to try it.

1 qt. water
2 cups packed basil
1 pkg (1 3/4 oz) fruit pectin
3 drops green food color
5 cups of sugar

Bring water and Basil to a boil - Remove from heat - cover- let stand for 10 minutes. Strain and discard Basil. Return 3 2/3 cups of liquid to pan. Stir in Pectin and color. Return to boil. Add sugar- boil 1 minute, stirring CONSTANTLY. Remove any foam, pour into hot jars. Seal, then hot water bath for 15 minutes. Makes 6 half pints.

Deep calls to deep...

...in the roar of Your waterfall.

Piper's at it again. Talking about how to deal with depression Biblically. Great stuff that really helped me. Reading it is one thing...I really suggest listening or watching.

It wasn't like I wasn't already doing some or many of these things, just being reminded soundly about strong, faithful responses to life as it is. Lots of good stuff here.

Wasted on me...:-)

When we arrived at the Vanderbilt track this morning to walk, a group of young men, all garbed in blue and gold, were working out in the infield, alternating this with running laps. Who could it be but the rookies of the Nashville Predators, the NHL franchise here in town. I know that Christy and Paul will be jealous. Sorry, it was wasted on me, but some of them were cute.

I'm so proud of hubs, he has been walking for threeish weeks now. It is giving him a little grin once in a while. Lord, you know he has that coming. Thank you.

Yet another quote o' the day

What's up with that? Another one?

A life making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.

-- George Bernard Shaw

It's been quite a week.

In seven days' time, we achieved two milestones. First, hubs and I have now been married for TWENTY FIVE years. I told him that the return period was over, now he had to keep me. *L* Also, we have paid off our house. This won't lead to extra money as we have some debts to dig out from in the past few months, and yeah, it needs work, and yeah, it's not in the fab part of town, but WE OWN IT. Kewl.

Quote of the day

Do not be discouraged at your faults; bear with yourself in correcting them, as you would with your neighbor. Lay aside this ardor of mind, which exhausts your body, and leads you to commit errors. Accustom yourself gradually to carry prayer into all your daily occupations. Speak, move, work, in peace, as if you were in prayer, as indeed you ought to be.

-- François Fénelon

Craigslist came through for me.

Here is my new old sewing machine. I'm partial to the old machines made in Japan. They are all metal, have no computers to go bad, but yet have lots of groovy stitches. The person I bought this from (for a song--$40!!!) thought it was too complicated and couldn't figure out how to run it. Hmmm...

Well, this machine is almost identical to my other one, including lots of pattern stitch cams. Also has lots of feet including a bunch of hemmer feet. Since my machines are late 70's and early 80's vintage Kenmores, they have a special "super high" shank and it is hard to get feet that truly work. Yes, you can get attachments from ebay, but they don't fit nearly as well. So I figure just the great army of feet included was worth the money just by itself. Of course, I wished it had a walking foot and a ruffler, but alas, that is too greedy of me.

As much sewing as I do, my online sewing friends were aghast that I didn't have more than one machine. Well, it never dawned on me. At this amazing price, it was well worth it. Did I mention that it was a mere four miles away? I just drove over and got it (hey, it's craigslist, so I was sure to have hubs along just in case).

After a few quick adjustments to the feed dogs and a quick rundown on the bobbin protocol (unlike my other machine but somewhat like the machine of my childhood years) I'm up and running. So far, it purrs like a kitten. I've gotten a fair amount of product done already.

So I'm a happy camper. It's probably not a coincidence that I found it, and I should give a quick shoutout to God and give myself a little credit for looking doggedly for an option that would be good.

It came with a bunch of sewing stuff, some of which I'm going to part with in an upcoming Mary Jane's Farm giveaway. So stay tuned, seamstressmeisters....

I feel naked without it.

My sewing machine is in the shop. It's an oldie so I am hopeful that they can even find parts for it. (It's older than our marriage--1982 vintage.)

It's my worry stone, my therapy, my "calm down" thing to do.

Guess I'll have to do something else. Well, walking does seem to help. I need all the (good for me) stress relief I can get.

But it doesn't help me make things to make money. Oh, well. There are other things to do, piling up, it would seem. Having a hard time keeping caught up, but I feel it will get better. It's going to have to.

Zoiks

Sis in hospital.
Kiddo heartbreak again.
Hubs tough times.

Praying as before.

"What the chewing locust left,
the gobbling locust ate;
What the gobbling locust left,
the munching locust ate;
What the munching locust left,
the chomping locust ate.

Between Sanctuary entrance and altar,
let the priests, God's servants, weep tears of repentance.
Let them intercede: "Have mercy, God, on your people!
Don't abandon your heritage to contempt.
Don't let the pagans take over and rule them
and sneer, 'And so where is this God of theirs?'

"I'll make up for the years of the locust,
the great locust devastation—
Locusts savage, locusts deadly,
fierce locusts, locusts of doom,
That great locust invasion
I sent your way.
You'll eat your fill of good food.
You'll be full of praises to your God,
The God who has set you back on your heels in wonder.
Never again will my people be despised.
You'll know without question
that I'm in the thick of life with Israel,
That I'm your God, yes, your God,
the one and only real God.
Never again will my people be despised."

--snippets from the book of Joel, "The Message"

May it be so. I'm still waiting. I totally suck at waiting, but in my defense it has been a LONG LONG LONG time.